YearCompass

Remember, the mistakes you made yesterday are helping you make the right decisions today that will pave your road to a better tomorrow.

By chance or luck or divine intervention I landed on this site and for some unknown reason I am feeling a strong pull to do this.

What is YearCompass?
Read below…

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Good Bye Iced Caramel Macchiato

Last month I found this totally amazing drink – a beautiful honey-colored iced caramel macchiato. As I sipped it I felt my inner Italian come alive. In my opinion it’s a perfect mix of sweet, salty with a rich and deeply roasted coffee flavors.
Just YUM!

Oh and it’s so pretty to look at.
caramel-macchiato
I’ve tried both the iced and hot versions but I decided that iced is the way to go. You see when they squirt the caramel into the cold drink it doesn’t mix (as it does when it’s hot) but instead it clumps and hardens a bit and every once in a while you get this awesome little piece of soft caramel in your mouth.
Mmmmm so yummy.  I love getting that surprise unexpected little treat.

I was hooked after the first one and sadly I have indulged in this drink way more often than one should.
Seriously, I am addicted and… sigh I knew after this weekend I had to give it up. It was a bittersweet moment when I bought my caramel macchiato Sunday night before heading to work. I made sure I savored it to the very end.

The reason that I have to give it up is because I am finally feeling healthy enough to go and workout and if I want to make a difference in my weight (and my health) I need to give this and other comfort foods up. I need to start eating healthy again.

Oh my sweet yummy caramel macchiato…. I love you, I will miss you, but we can’t be no more.

Our love affair must come to end.

Good bye Iced Caramel Macchiato.

I Didn’t Feel Fat…

omg

I didn’t feel fat
Until I saw the number
Blinking back at me

Nothing has changed
Since yesterday, except
Maybe a pound, two, or five?

Deep breaths
In through the nose
Out through the mouth

You are healthy
You are beautiful
There is nothing wrong with you

I need to believe this

Still…

Numbers don’t lie
I am fat…

Choices

The choices we make along the way,
Will determine how we will spend our day.

We have a choice about how we feel,
By the food we eat at every meal.

How about a hamburger, fries and a pop?
I will choose a chicken salad with nothing on top.

This is a day when friends are together,
Cake, ice cream and lovely weather.

What will I do when tempted this way?
Should I go home or can I stay?

I must remember I am strong and free,
I am going to be the person I want to be.

When I eat healthy and stay in charge,
I can wear a small instead of a large.

Inconsistent

conflict

To battle these two sides of me isn’t easy. 😦
Bottom line I need to heal. I’ll take a few days off to do what I need to do and then I need to move forward. I need to heal.
Perhaps to truly heal, I need to align my mind, body and spirit so they all work together in harmony. In this way I will be able to perceive and act from my true self, as opposed to acting from my ego, or subconscious.

I think that the most important thing is for me to be aware of “the present” the “now moment”. Instead of allowing my thoughts to drift to the past or even the future. I know that is my demise.

What I need to do is to be aware of what is happening here, right now. If I am able to keep aware of these events, in all these moments, I might be able to heal and not care if other people know how torn and broken I am.

Conflicted and Torn

Fuck this inconsistent turmoil inside me
I’m so conflicted
I can’t think straight
I am being torn at the seams

I want to run and hide
But being responsible is pulling me out
“Be strong and it will ease the pain”, they say
I want to believe

“It’s not working!”, I cry in anguish

“Make it work”
“Be realistic”
“I know you can do this”
A promising distant hum chants

Being reasonable feels so wrong and unkind
However being selfless is driving me insane
I wonder if peace I will ever find
While not causing my loved ones and myself more pain