Monday Jan 23rd

Let me start out by saying that I am having a hard time making this entry. I can write fiction without worry but to write about my daily life is an entirely different situation.
If I think about it can get embarrassing… so I guess it’s better to not think about it and just write.

The day after I work is difficult for me. I am so tired from staying up all night and then only averaging 3 – 4 hours of sleep before I must get up. In a perfect world, I would be able to sleep as long as I needed but the world isn’t perfect – at least not for me.

Beep Beep Beep

Ugh my alarm goes off and in my zombie-like state I fumble around looking for my clothes and head over to the door.
I am now inundated by the brightest light ever and I curse myself for not grabbing my sunglasses earlier. I should have known better but zombies don’t think and just react, right?

I leave and it takes me a good 2 hours before I am fully functional and feel human again. At least an awake human. 🙂

Days like these makes it hard to workout. I have no energy, or motivation for that matter, to do anything. I’ve had done it before but it takes a certain mindset. A mindset that I won’t be able to have until I’ve been consistently working out for several weeks.

Soon I will get into this mindset.
Continue reading

Basta!

“I had enough.”

“Enough is enough.”

“It’s time to get serious.”

“I will start on Monday”

 

These and a few more sentences were uttered by yours truly since the beginning of Jan. I had planned on starting when The Camp offered the new challenge but here I am on week 3 and have still yet to get serious and consistent about with my workouts and eating. 

Pathetic

I have many excuses and reasons why. Some are good and some aren’t but in the end, they don’t matter because I am still not eating well or working out. 😦

Embarrassing

I am done… Basta!

I am writing it down this time. NO more talking It’s time for action and being held accountable.

I am stronger than this…

Dec 2nd — Gym Workout

img_1499Today my plan was to go and exercise at noon and then take the core class at 1 pm but those plans went south, way south, when I ended up falling asleep on the couch at 11:15 am and didn’t wake up until 1:15 p.m.

I slept for two hours!

It doesn’t surprise me given the work schedule I’ve had for the last week and half and how on Thursday I didn’t go to sleep until past midnight because I had friends over.

Oh well, at least I felt rested when I woke up.

Now, in the past I would have not gone at all, but not now, now I have a different mindset and I went to my gym at 5 pm.
I had a great workout and left the gym swimming in endorphins.

I was a happy girl.

Nov 23th — Nooner and Core Class

img_1345I was excited to come to class, even though I was still sore, today. My trainer Stephanie’s attitude is so irresistible and powerful. She lifts your spirits up.
So, I was excited until I saw the warmup-up.
Ok, I know we are not supposed to be negative but I must get it out. 🙂
UGH, more running! Ay Dios Mio! Tell me it’s not so. I’ve been running since Sunday and I was not in the mood for more running. Not that I am ever looking forward to running but today my legs were sore and my heel was hurting even more. I was not a very happy camper.

But I was not going to quit and with a smile I did my warm-up giving it my all.
Then the fun started with a 22-station obstacle course. I wish I could say I did all the stations but I didn’t. I just couldn’t in the allowed time but I came close to finishing and that is something to be proud of.

I gave it my best and it made me happy.

It’s always a great feeling when you are able to finish what you started.
My high was strong that when our trainer mentioned “Sally” I just thought. “Bring it!”
For those that you don’t know who is Sally. Sally is “Flower” by Moby and basically you squat down when you hear “Green Sally down” and get up when you hear “Green Sally up” and then when you hear “Old miss lucy’s dead…” you squat down and pulse or hold it.

Try it – I dare you.

After all that, I stayed over and did Stephanie’s  30 min core class. That was an intense class.
I am looking forward to having a strong core. 

Nov 22nd — Never Miss Leg Day Tuesday

img_1292Today was leg day and I wasn’t looking forward to going because my thighs are still very sore.
I haven’t told you I have an accountability partner (AP) who is making me stick to my workouts no matter what. He want’s to help me succeed and while he is far away he can still help me.

I am mentioning my AP because he was expecting me to go and work out today and…………………
…………..
I really really really didn’t want to work out but I knew I had to find a valid excuse backed by medical science.
Surely, I could google an article that would say

“You can take the day off when your muscles are sore.”

Well, not only did I not find such article but also my AP was not impressed with me trying to convince him that I needed a day off. He clearly told me that it didn’t matter what I showed him and I will still go and workout. That wasn’t all he added that if I didn’t go he would be very disappointed in me.

Sigh

4 pm came and off I went. Crying, Ok I wasn’t really crying, but I was dreading the pain that I was to endure. I didn’t want to feel that kind of pain.  I was tired — my body was tired.

Deep breaths

Obviously, I survived. I didn’t die but this workout tested my resolve. The running warm-up almost did me in and the circuit training was hard. I couldn’t help but to feel deflated that I couldn’t do the exercises as I normally could.

Through the workout, I fought my way through the negative thoughts and focused on the fact that I was here. That I was burning calories and that in the long run it was going to help me even if I didn’t work to my full capacity.

In the end, I was full of endorphins and I felt very good.
And thanks to my AP, I was glad I went.

Nov 21st — Gun Show Monday 

img_1234I am sooooo sooooore today all from Sunday’s workout.
I am suffering from a serious case of the DOMS (delayed onset muscle soreness)

My thighs are sore and it’s hard to walk, especially up and down the stairs, (damn living on the second floor!) and don’t even mention sitting on the toilet.
I am seriously contemplating doing research on how a woman can pee standing up or thinking how bad will it would be to wear diapers.  :-/

Anyway, since my upper body was feeling relative fine I had no problems showing up today for Monday’s upper body workout.
As you can see from that huge crazy smile in my face, I was set and ready to go.
SMH, I do look a little too happy here.

The trainers at The Camp dubbed Monday’ s workout “Gun Show Monday” but based on today’s workout it should have been called “Monday’s Push-up Hell”.
I’ve never done so many push-ups in my life.
The warm-up consisted of all kinds of push-ups in between mountain climbers, burpees, and crawls. I was sweating away and I knew my heart rate was up.
Just what I needed to get those endorphins flowing through out my body.

We were told to pair up again and as everyone was pairing up I went to a guy that was alone. It was good choice. He wasn’t too fast for me or too slow for me. Actually, he was just fast enough to push me to keep up with him.
I soon forgot about my muscle soreness and just focused on finishing up my workout.

I left my workout feeling quite accomplished and happy.

Driving home with jelly arms was another story.

Roxanne Plank and Push-up Song

This song came on today while at the store and it brought me back to Sunday’s workout. Can we say flashback? 😀

At the end of Sunday’s workout I heard Stephanie, our trainer, say…

“Everyone, come together in a full circle.”

We did as she told us, some of us groaning, some of us, like myself, wondering what was going to happen.

“Guys, meet Roxanne….”

Then she went to explain how we are to start this song in a high plank position and hold it there until you hear the word Roxanne. Then you do a push-up. You continue until the song is over.
Easy, Right? 🙂
Naw, it as 3 minutes of body shaking hell. Seriously, towards the middle of the song my whole body was shaking from holding a plank and could barely come down to do my (modified) push-ups.
I need more practice and maybe one day I will be like the super fit guy that was next to me and did the whole song without faltering.

I dare you to have some fun and try it. 🙂

Nov 20 — Sunday Funday

img_1153I woke up feeling hungover but it wasn’t because I had drank the night before. It mostly had to do with lack of sleep due to some stress and bad dreams.
My desire to exercise as planned was quickly fleeting. I could feel my dark mood trying to take over and while my rational mind knew that if I went and worked out I would feel better, my emotional side didn’t want to. That side wanted to wallow in her disappointment. Wrap herself in it and feel the warmness that only apathy can bring.
It was a battle because I didn’t want to succumb to negative emotions. Letting indifference take hold of me is never good for me and the people around me.
It was 7 am now and slowly I started to put on my gym clothes.

Fuck, it’s cold I should just stay home

I am not kidding when I tell you that I was like this girl in this video — trying desperately to talk myself into going to The Camp.

By 7:30 am, I was dressed, ate a protein bar, was ready to go but I was still here!
I needed a push and while I didn’t want to go there, because I wasn’t happy with him, I went there. Regardless of how I felt I knew that if I believed I was going to let him down (even if that wasn’t the case) I would feel worse. So, I just made myself believe.
Sometimes, it’s that easy. The mind is powerful.

And now it was 7:45 am and I needed to leave or I would be late and trust me you don’t want to be late for Stephanie’s class.

It won’t be a surprise for you all to read that my workout was just what I needed and it turned out even better when I saw my friend there. We worked out together doing the warm-up from hell and even a harder workout.
It has been a while since I last worked out and as I went through the stations could feel how weak I’ve gotten. 😦 I lost all my strength and stamina but as my friend told me the recovery will be faster and I will get it back quickly.
I finished the workout feeling tired but quite accomplished at what I was able to do.  I always do better when I work out with a partner.  They give me that extra incentive to push just a little harder.

I was ready to go home, thinking of the nice shower I was going to indulge in, when hear his voice behind me
“You ARE staying for core…”

Damn, I am going to be VERY sore tomorrow.

I Didn’t Feel Fat…

omg

I didn’t feel fat
Until I saw the number
Blinking back at me

Nothing has changed
Since yesterday, except
Maybe a pound, two, or five?

Deep breaths
In through the nose
Out through the mouth

You are healthy
You are beautiful
There is nothing wrong with you

I need to believe this

Still…

Numbers don’t lie
I am fat…

She

IMG_1481

She
Is just like me
She
Is my age, smiles at the same jokes, cries at the same sad stories
She
Walks past me and in my mind I say
She
Is getting fit
She
Believes she is beautiful but why does my mind demean her?
She
Is loving the way her clothes fit but why does my mind run to the way her clothes are too tight
She
Is trying to change me from my misperceptions of pretty
She
Is succeeding
She
Is unique and so am I
She
Is
Me