Inconsistent

conflict

To battle these two sides of me isn’t easy. 😦
Bottom line I need to heal. I’ll take a few days off to do what I need to do and then I need to move forward. I need to heal.
Perhaps to truly heal, I need to align my mind, body and spirit so they all work together in harmony. In this way I will be able to perceive and act from my true self, as opposed to acting from my ego, or subconscious.

I think that the most important thing is for me to be aware of “the present” the “now moment”. Instead of allowing my thoughts to drift to the past or even the future. I know that is my demise.

What I need to do is to be aware of what is happening here, right now. If I am able to keep aware of these events, in all these moments, I might be able to heal and not care if other people know how torn and broken I am.

Conflicted and Torn

Fuck this inconsistent turmoil inside me
I’m so conflicted
I can’t think straight
I am being torn at the seams

I want to run and hide
But being responsible is pulling me out
“Be strong and it will ease the pain”, they say
I want to believe

“It’s not working!”, I cry in anguish

“Make it work”
“Be realistic”
“I know you can do this”
A promising distant hum chants

Being reasonable feels so wrong and unkind
However being selfless is driving me insane
I wonder if peace I will ever find
While not causing my loved ones and myself more pain