Monday Jan 23rd

Let me start out by saying that I am having a hard time making this entry. I can write fiction without worry but to write about my daily life is an entirely different situation.
If I think about it can get embarrassing… so I guess it’s better to not think about it and just write.

The day after I work is difficult for me. I am so tired from staying up all night and then only averaging 3 – 4 hours of sleep before I must get up. In a perfect world, I would be able to sleep as long as I needed but the world isn’t perfect – at least not for me.

Beep Beep Beep

Ugh my alarm goes off and in my zombie-like state I fumble around looking for my clothes and head over to the door.
I am now inundated by the brightest light ever and I curse myself for not grabbing my sunglasses earlier. I should have known better but zombies don’t think and just react, right?

I leave and it takes me a good 2 hours before I am fully functional and feel human again. At least an awake human. 🙂

Days like these makes it hard to workout. I have no energy, or motivation for that matter, to do anything. I’ve had done it before but it takes a certain mindset. A mindset that I won’t be able to have until I’ve been consistently working out for several weeks.

Soon I will get into this mindset.
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Basta!

“I had enough.”

“Enough is enough.”

“It’s time to get serious.”

“I will start on Monday”

 

These and a few more sentences were uttered by yours truly since the beginning of Jan. I had planned on starting when The Camp offered the new challenge but here I am on week 3 and have still yet to get serious and consistent about with my workouts and eating. 

Pathetic

I have many excuses and reasons why. Some are good and some aren’t but in the end, they don’t matter because I am still not eating well or working out. 😦

Embarrassing

I am done… Basta!

I am writing it down this time. NO more talking It’s time for action and being held accountable.

I am stronger than this…

YearCompass

Remember, the mistakes you made yesterday are helping you make the right decisions today that will pave your road to a better tomorrow.

By chance or luck or divine intervention I landed on this site and for some unknown reason I am feeling a strong pull to do this.

What is YearCompass?
Read below…

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Accountability Partner

An accountability partner is a person who coaches another person in terms of helping the other person keep a commitment

Ever since I won the 6-week challenge where I had to lose 20 pounds in 42 days I’ve been having a hard time staying consistent with my exercise and meals. I knew one of the reasons I could lose 22.4 pounds in those 42 days was because money was on the line. If I didn’t win the challenge I would lose my $497.00 deposit. There was no way I was going to allow that. I was determined and while it was hard –very hard—at times I still was focused on my goal.

So now with no prospect of winning my money back I am left on my own accord. At first I thought I could do it on my own but I am seeing that that this isn’t working. I am failing and it’s quickly showing. 😦
But not anymore. Last week John and I decided to be Accountability Partners. He has seen me struggling. Being unmotivated, unfocused and, to put it simply, drifting away because I have no daily structure or goals.

“A significant predictor of whether people are going to stay on an exercise program is if they have a friend (either an individual or group) who works out with them. Getting people connected to each other is critical.”

We are social animals by nature, and if we promise someone we will meet them at the gym, we feel really guilty if we do not keep our promise. Research shows that having an accountability partner or exercise buddy can be highly effective at ensuring we will actually workout, not just talk about it.

Dr. Robert Cialdini is a well-known social psychologist, who has written a great deal about “social influence” and decision-making. His studies show that

  1. Peer pressure is powerful, especially when the decisions we are making are complex or ambiguous,
  2. The closer we are to the person or group we are comparing ourselves to, the more likely we are to be influenced by them.

“It turns out this peer pressure thing, when you turn up the “accountability” knob, is a motivator for a lot more than losing a few pounds. Compared to mentorship—a more hierarchical relationship—a peer to peer relationship seems to be easier to organize, and it is a more effective tool for making progress towards a goal. Accountability partnerships work when they are a collaboration between two colleagues who like and respect one another—your partner is someone you trust, who will keep you honest and moving on a path you set for yourself.”

Setting up an accountability partnership is simple:

  1. Find someone you trust to be your accountability partner (a different personality from you is good, maybe better).  — My AP will be John.
  2. Talk to them about your goals.  — To be fit, healthy, and lose weight.
  3. Get specific with them about actions you will want to take to meet your goals as well as consequences/rewards for taking or not taking them.  — Hmmm consequences or rewards?  Did we talk about these? 
  4. Set up regular check-in times (this can be a text message, no need to meet every time). — We decided on daily emails.
  5. Revisit goals and strategies every once in a while, to make sure you are on track.

This how we are going to achieve our goals.

  1. I will anchor my day with my workout. Put my gym clothes first thing in the morning and then take a picture to show him I am ready to go.
  2. I will plan to take the 9 am class every day when I am not coming home from work.
  3. I can skip my workout when I am coming home from work at 8 am.
  4. I will follow a meal plan of my choice (mostly low carb).
  5. We will share our food and exercise log every day to keep us accountable and stay on track.
  6. We will be allowed to have a cheat meal once a week. 🙂

Now we just need a name. Any ideas?

Dec 2nd — Gym Workout

img_1499Today my plan was to go and exercise at noon and then take the core class at 1 pm but those plans went south, way south, when I ended up falling asleep on the couch at 11:15 am and didn’t wake up until 1:15 p.m.

I slept for two hours!

It doesn’t surprise me given the work schedule I’ve had for the last week and half and how on Thursday I didn’t go to sleep until past midnight because I had friends over.

Oh well, at least I felt rested when I woke up.

Now, in the past I would have not gone at all, but not now, now I have a different mindset and I went to my gym at 5 pm.
I had a great workout and left the gym swimming in endorphins.

I was a happy girl.

Dec 1st — Dinner With Friends

I knew I wasn’t going to be able to work out today since I was going to be sleeping for half the day and then, once I got up, I had to finish getting the house ready for friends to come over for dinner.
I’ve been looking forward to having the kind of fun that only good friends can bring.

We decided to have a vegetarian dinner since one of our friends is returning to that lifestyle. I was excited about it because long ago, I was a vegetarian – a lacto-ovo vegetarian to be exact.
While preparing this meal, it made me realize that I missed being a veggie girl. I am not sure why and it’s probably something I should think about soon but for now I let my veggie heart rejoice.

Our dinner consisted of broccoli salad with cashews and raisins, Quinoa salad with veggies, and a medley of shaved Brussels sprouts with smoked gouda and wild rice with apples and cranberries and almonds and a small sweet potato. We had plenty of wine that flowed in conjunction with the deep conversations we were having.
I really enjoyed listening to everyone’s view points.  Some I agreed with and some I didn’t but what I loved most is that it made me think and ponder on how I could apply it to my life.  How can I enrich my life even further?

As the evening turned into night we shared a cheesecake with mango slices. It was delicious.
It was just what I needed and I didn’t care that it was close to midnight when my head hit the pillow.

Be Back Soon

taking a breakI am dealing with two very different catastrophic events that are happening simultaneously in my life right now.  Dealing with these loses is very hard for me.  There are times when I feel like I am suffocating and not going to be able to survive but I know myself and I know in time I will.
((((SIGH))))
I just need time.
I think taking some time off while I try to heal myself is a good idea.

I’ll be back — soon.

Choices

The choices we make along the way,
Will determine how we will spend our day.

We have a choice about how we feel,
By the food we eat at every meal.

How about a hamburger, fries and a pop?
I will choose a chicken salad with nothing on top.

This is a day when friends are together,
Cake, ice cream and lovely weather.

What will I do when tempted this way?
Should I go home or can I stay?

I must remember I am strong and free,
I am going to be the person I want to be.

When I eat healthy and stay in charge,
I can wear a small instead of a large.

Say No To The Cookie

A little look from the voice inside my head after I saw these goodies and more at my work. 🙂

Wait. You are telling me you want to eat that!
Do you even realize what it means to eat that?
You are putting the fat directly in your mouth.
Eating chocolate, bread or whatever else you desire will not make you any skinnier.

You want to eat that.
You want to ignore my voice and continue your eating.
Well, I don’t think so.
Do you really want to eat all the fat, put it in your mouth, swallow, gain weight, and disappoint everyone around you?
And worst of all, are you willing to disappoint me?

You know what you will have to do now, right.
Or, do I need to explain it one more time?
Okay. Go stand in front of the mirror.
Take off your clothes and pinch your fat.
Keep repeating;
“I will be skinny. I am fat now. I will be skinny. I am fat now…”
And you will be skinny!
As long as you do not eat that.

You have come too far to take orders from a cookie.

That’s right! I have will power.   👍

Inconsistent

conflict

To battle these two sides of me isn’t easy. 😦
Bottom line I need to heal. I’ll take a few days off to do what I need to do and then I need to move forward. I need to heal.
Perhaps to truly heal, I need to align my mind, body and spirit so they all work together in harmony. In this way I will be able to perceive and act from my true self, as opposed to acting from my ego, or subconscious.

I think that the most important thing is for me to be aware of “the present” the “now moment”. Instead of allowing my thoughts to drift to the past or even the future. I know that is my demise.

What I need to do is to be aware of what is happening here, right now. If I am able to keep aware of these events, in all these moments, I might be able to heal and not care if other people know how torn and broken I am.